How to Stop Relaying Your Happiness to People and Start Owning It

Have you ever noticed how often we rely on others to validate our happiness? Maybe it’s the subtle need for likes on that Instagram post, or the habit of sharing every little win with your friends and family to hear them cheer you on. It’s so common that most of us don’t even realize we’re doing it. But here’s the thing: tying your happiness to people’s reactions is like handing them the remote control to your mood. It’s time to take that remote back! Let’s chat about how to stop relaying your happiness to others and focus on creating joy that’s yours alone.

Why Do We Relay Our Happiness?

First, let’s unpack why we do this. Humans are social creatures. From childhood, we’ve learned that approval feels good. You aced a test, and your parents praised you. You wore a new outfit, and your friends complimented you. Over time, this conditioned response turns into seeking validation for everything—even your happiness.

But here’s the catch: relying on external validation makes your happiness fragile. If the people around you don’t respond the way you’d hoped, it can make you doubt your achievements or even yourself. That’s why learning to self-validate is a game-changer.

Steps to Stop Relaying Your Happiness

1. Celebrate Yourself First

Before sharing your good news with anyone else, take a moment to acknowledge it yourself. Write it down in a journal, say it out loud to yourself, or just sit with the feeling for a bit. Let the excitement be yours before anyone else’s.

For example, if you landed a promotion at work, resist the urge to immediately text your group chat. Instead, take a deep breath and think, “I worked hard for this, and I’m proud of myself.” Savor that moment privately.

2. Ask Yourself: Why Am I Sharing This?

The next time you feel like telling someone about your good news, pause and ask yourself, “Why am I sharing this?” If it’s because you’re looking for validation, consider keeping it to yourself. Share it later when the initial excitement has settled, and you’re not dependent on their reaction to feel good.

3. Create a Gratitude Ritual

Instead of broadcasting your wins, try channeling that energy into a gratitude ritual. Every night, jot down three things you’re grateful for that day. Over time, you’ll find satisfaction in recognizing your happiness without needing external input.

4. Learn to Enjoy Silence

Sometimes, we overshare because we’re uncomfortable with silence or solitude. Practice sitting with your thoughts and feelings without reaching for your phone or talking to someone about them. It might feel awkward at first, but you’ll grow to appreciate how empowering it is to own your happiness quietly.

5. Trust Your Internal Cheerleader

You don’t need a fan club to know you’re doing great. Build an inner voice that’s supportive and kind. Whenever you achieve something, imagine your internal cheerleader clapping and saying, “You did amazing, and that’s enough.”

6. Set Boundaries With Oversharing

Not everyone needs to know everything. By setting boundaries about what you share and with whom, you’ll start to build a healthier relationship with your own happiness. Share your wins with a select few who genuinely support you, and keep the rest for yourself.

The Perks of Owning Your Happiness

Once you stop relaying your happiness to others, you’ll notice some amazing changes. First, your joy becomes more stable. Since it’s not tied to anyone else’s opinion, you’re less likely to feel let down. Second, you’ll feel more independent and confident. When you learn to validate yourself, you stop needing external approval to feel good.

And let’s not forget—this practice also deepens your relationships. When you’re not using others as sounding boards for validation, your interactions become more genuine. You’ll connect with people because you want to, not because you need their approval.

Final Thoughts

Breaking the habit of relaying your happiness to others takes time, but it’s so worth it. Start small, be mindful of your intentions, and remember that your happiness doesn’t need a spotlight to shine. Celebrate yourself, find joy in the little moments, and let your happiness be a personal treasure. After all, it’s your life—own it!